What struck me initially was the energy that jumped out at me when I opened it the first time. One of quiet. Centredness. Very Zen. A joy to connect.
Some of the images are delightful but most of all are the poignant quotations. There are so many quotations out there these days but most of the ones on Aditix are in line with my own perspective and it is a joy to discover someone else out there with a similar outlook.
St Kilda Oh my dearest St Kilda I don’t know why but You draw me You lure me To visit your shores To sit in your stillness As those gone before And breathe in your beauty And link into the life That not long ago thrived
But to reach you I have To endure many hours Of pounding the Mighty Atlantic waves A feat that I cannot Just quite yet endure But one day Yes one day I’ll journey to you Of that I am sure!
If we were having coffee right now we would probably be discussing the quality of the coffee. Being a decaf drinker but still liking my coffee to be a stiff drink, I would be giving you my take on its taste and aroma.
If we were having coffee right now I would be sharing with you my joy of the weather we are having. How it brings back cherished memories of other Septembers when the weather was similar and we were all having fun haymaking.
If we were having coffee right now we would be chatting about how my packing is coming along and whether I am still calm and organised or beginning to quake under the strain. We would be discussing ways we would keep in touch with one another when I move and when I would be likely to return to visit.
If we were having coffee right now I would be enthusing about my imminent move and what my plans were for my immediate future. We would chat about what you were going to do with your time over the coming winter months and ways you too could move to a warmer climate.
If we were having coffee right now we would be looking out of the window watching the tourists wandering aimlessly around and chat about the impending quietness the end of season brings.
It is getting very close now to the time when I have to leave you, when we part company forever. You have been my sanctuary and my nemesis for over 20 years now and leaving you is such a wrench. I know so much of me is imbedding in you I fear I may leave too much of me behind. But no, I shall leave you to enjoy your new residents. Their youth and enthusiasm will fill your rooms with life and laughter and optimism once again.
I tried to leave you many times before but just could not conceive of any possibility of being able to find anywhere else so perfectly positioned and so delightfully unique in your qualities to move to. In fact, I doubt I shall be able to afford anything as wonderful as you. But you do have your down side and despite all your plus points I can no longer live in such a cold and damp climate and in such isolation anymore. Most of our time together has been spent just surviving. Your upkeep has been a full time task which initially was a joyful experience but as the years have rolled on I can see it robbing me of opportunity to do other things. It is a big leap of faith for me, and funnily enough it will be an identical leap of faith that brought me here in the first place. I have no idea where I am going. I just know that I must go.
It was a good decision all those years ago. From here, in your embrace, I have found myself. It took a long time but during those years we shared the excitement as you protected me from the ravages of the wild weather, you lovingly opened your doors to cherished friends and warmed my heart in the winter firelight. When the summers were long and warm you breathed easy allowing the gentle breezes to waft through your open windows to air your rooms. We sat together in the quietness enjoying the changing seasons, observing the wildlife and indulging in every sunset and starry night.
Now I am leaving you, my sanctuary, my little piece of heaven and maybe a little part of me. I must be mad. In fact, most folk think that I am mad. But things change, I must go and I must go now.
Every now and then a sense of grief hits me, tears at me deep within. When I started this process, I had no idea it would be this painful. Memories flood my being. Dreams fulfilled that I will leave behind, just a memory to fade with time. Dreams unfulfilled hopefully left behind, praying they will dissolve into the ethers never to torture me again.
If the people that are to dwell within your walls have half as much joy as we have experienced, they will have a happy time here. I know you will nurture them as you did with me and those that came before me.
Goodbye my dear friend, I will always remember you, ballads may even be written about you as I share our cherished memories in the years ahead of me.
I want to express my deepest gratitude to you but words seem so hollow, but I know you know. The time we have spent together has been so short in the greater scheme of things, a mere blink of an eye. But to me in my humanness, it has been so full, so varied and eventful.
Yes, there will always be a place in my heart where you reside, for I could never ever forget you.
I need and desire a quiet space to write. A room empty of people. A room that is tidy, without clutter. I can be easily distracted! A room that oozes stillness and tranquillity. With plenty of natural light. Just me, some simple furnishings, a small table and a laptop. And preferably with a view that is of nature and goes on forever.
Isn’t that the same with almost everything in life. “Everyone appears to have it easier than me!”
Of course they do!
From the onlookers perspective!
But the onlooker has a huge amount of information missing.
In that moment we make a judgement it is almost like taking a snapshot. A moment frozen in time. And in that moment we decide, based purely on what we see,hear, feel, sense and coloured by our own life experiences, we make a grand conclusion about the other person’s experience of life!
Who am I kidding!
What about the other images, snapshots of all the other moments in their life. How many PBs of space would you need to capture adequate information about someone else’s life.
And how could you ever feel what they felt, interpret every aspect of how they experienced it to be able to accurately conclude that they had it ‘easier than me’. And …..
…there’s a whole sensory experience missing …..the emotions.
When we observe others we are generally emotionally detached or far less involved than we are when we are judging ourselves.
Dream on, stop justifying being not present with yourself.
Your attention has become split, only part of it is on you and part of it is on them.
When we honour ourselves, it matters not a jot about how other people experience their lives.
Which frees us up to enjoy our own.
Fun interesting fact: 1 PB = 1000000000000000B = 1015bytes = 1000terabytes. (I didn’t know that until I wrote this!)
“When I was younger I used to go for drives in the car to try and get lost, just to see where it took me, where I would end up. It was an adventure to see somewhere different, somethings I hadn’t seen before. It was exciting.”
“If you keep using the map or worse still your satnav, looking outside of yourself for directions, you’ll never learn to trust your own guidance system.”
“It’s inbuilt you know, we’ve all got one. No one was left out when they were dishing guidance systems out.”
“But what if we get lost?”
“Well, that’s just another illusion. It is just a state of mind. We cannot get lost. We just think we can or we just think we are.”
“That’s stupid, if I am not familiar with my surroundings and don’t know which way to turn that’s lost in my book.”
“I know that it can seem that way. But that’s because we have a tendency to identify with things, people, places outside of us. When we make a connection with these it makes us feel secure, stable. Generally the familiarity blocks out any feeling of being lost.”
“I don’t agree with that either! I had a friend who had a great family, really supportive they were and all she forever went on about was how lost and alone she felt. Her familiar surroundings and people didn’t block out her feelings of being lost!”
“Each of us in life walks a unique path, alone. No one can walk it for us. Yet, at the same time we cannot ever be truly alone. We are all connected to one another whether we like it or not. A bit like the cells in our bodies. Each has its own identity but functions as part of the whole.”
“When we look within for that stability, our inner connection, we can still enjoy those connections we perceive as outside of us, but in a more fulfilling way. But when we try to resolve concerns our through our conventional conditioned route, a part of us pulls away from the inner secure complete self and a state of imbalance occurs. This causes an emotional reaction and with that reaction there is then a tendency to seek outside with even more intent to find something, and find it quickly to ease the pain of separation, loneliness, being lost.
“We are lost. But only from ourselves. We are always with ourselves. We cannot not be with ourselves, ever.”
“But I’m frightened, what if there’s something out there I should be aware of that’s not good OR, something, an opportunity that I might miss.”
“Well you’re sure to miss it if you try to engineer it.”
“Just try it, humour me. Put the map down, set off and enjoy sensing where you are going.”
“I always knew you were mad! But you are my treasured friend, I trust you. So just for this journey, I’ll humour you.”