I pondered the question for a while as I couldn’t immediately connect with an answer. All the while having thoughts that I have a vague idea that I must have written about this in the past, but am still no wiser, really, as to why I write.
So I went in search, to find out if I had broached the subject before and was curious to know, if I had, how had I perceived the question then?
Since then, I have completed, actually completed a full course. No missed days! With poetry, which I hasten to add I simply loved (apart from the moments I wondered why I was striving so much to have a go at some definition of verse I had never heard of let alone try to emulate!) and hadn’t really written anything of that ilk for many years.
So, why do I write? I enjoy it, thoroughly enjoy it, when I finally make the decision to be present in this moment and just do it.
I suppose it is a way of just being in the moment. I am nowhere else. I am here, now and I have no desire to be anywhere else. My focus is no longer scattered about the place or rattling about in my over analytical mind. It just very easily settles in a happy groove and there it is content to stay, at least for a wee while.
I have noticed that over time and practice, it is becoming easier to slide into that groove. In the beginning I seemed only happy to be in it for a short period of time, how long I have no idea in quantifiable time. But sitting here now, writing this I am now noticing that that length of time I am happy to flow in the groove has become more elongated and consequently I have written some longer pieces.
Ultimately, if I didn’t enjoy it, I wouldn’t do it and it is becoming a fun journey of self discovery, self acceptance and self appreciation.
And I am loving it!
Sometimes I know that you are there, other times I do not dare acknowledge your existence. The youthful beauty we once had I didn’t value and that’s so sad now that I know different. But then that’s life, we come to know that beyond the skin our wisdom grows and even glows. As we shine through other channels unseen to those who only value surface onlooking. I am so deep that, you will never see, the extent my skin embraces me, Much more than any single sense can tell about my life, a joy or hell. But one thing that I now know and love is how I feel beneath this glove A perfect fit my closest friend, memories are ours that only we, will cherish til our end.
Future? The word still holds a residue of unease. A programmed response I know but it is still creating a reaction.
As a child I was bombarded with the word. It seemed everything depended upon it. I on the other hand, had other ideas. I was too enthralled by the Present to be concerned with a future.
But, true to form, with persistence and punishment, I came to understand that the world around me valued it more than the Present. So I began the long and painful process of trying to shoehorn my expansive perspective of life into the limited one – the only one acceptable to all around me.
Little did I know then, that all along my perspective had been totally the ‘right’ one for me!
It has taken years to come full circle, to return to myself, but it has been a thoroughly interesting journey up to now.
As for the future ….
I shall continue to write more.
Stopping every now and then to gaze into the skies, up a tree, in the grasses, listen to the birds and ….
I need to find somewhere to live.
So I shall enjoy the searching, the plotting and the planning.
Remembering that it’s a fun journey and allowing it all to unfold, in its own way, in its own time.
But more than anything I shall remember to value myself and my perspective beyond all else.
Remembering that the opinions of others are interesting and sometimes valuable but ultimately, the only person who really knows what is right for me is me.
And the only way I know how to do that is by allowing myself to be Present in this moment, in my life right Now.
St Kilda Oh my dearest St Kilda I don’t know why but You draw me You lure me To visit your shores To sit in your stillness As those gone before And breathe in your beauty And link into the life That not long ago thrived
But to reach you I have To endure many hours Of pounding the Mighty Atlantic waves A feat that I cannot Just quite yet endure But one day Yes one day I’ll journey to you Of that I am sure!
Isn’t that the same with almost everything in life. “Everyone appears to have it easier than me!”
Of course they do!
From the onlookers perspective!
But the onlooker has a huge amount of information missing.
In that moment we make a judgement it is almost like taking a snapshot. A moment frozen in time. And in that moment we decide, based purely on what we see,hear, feel, sense and coloured by our own life experiences, we make a grand conclusion about the other person’s experience of life!
Who am I kidding!
What about the other images, snapshots of all the other moments in their life. How many PBs of space would you need to capture adequate information about someone else’s life.
And how could you ever feel what they felt, interpret every aspect of how they experienced it to be able to accurately conclude that they had it ‘easier than me’. And …..
…there’s a whole sensory experience missing …..the emotions.
When we observe others we are generally emotionally detached or far less involved than we are when we are judging ourselves.
Dream on, stop justifying being not present with yourself.
Your attention has become split, only part of it is on you and part of it is on them.
When we honour ourselves, it matters not a jot about how other people experience their lives.
Which frees us up to enjoy our own.
Fun interesting fact: 1 PB = 1000000000000000B = 1015bytes = 1000terabytes. (I didn’t know that until I wrote this!)